Welcome to Popular Ink's INDELIBLE KITCHEN.

Now get the hell out!

Really, we would love to have you stay but we would feel rude about that as we have left. As in gone, defunct, kaput. We aren't here anymore. Sometimes, when it's late and we are worried about dying, we do believe in reincarnation. So, maybe we will live again. We'll let you know if that happens.


The Skewer Report on a Really Hard Life

The Skewer sends this riff responding to an article that notes: “last week mega-rich parents often set a spendthrift example – a Long Island businessman, David Brooks, spent $10 million on his 13-year-old daughter's party, which included performances by the rock group Aerosmith and the rapper 50 Cent, together with $10,000 party bags for the teenage guests.”

By the Skewer

As if a bad ski season in Gstaad weren't enough, I got scorched by an untrained bikini waxer getting ready to go to St. Tropez. Really! I had to take a week at Las Ventanas just to get over it.

And now, just when I should be relaxing, there's the pressure of what to get my niece, whose father gave her a miniature fainting pony for her fourth birthday. A horse that is known to fall over? What was he thinking?

But she loves it because the mane is so fluffy, according to the nanny (Vanessa? Birgit?).

I was going to get her a Big Sister/Little Sister Spa Day when I heard that, just across the park, the parents of a one-year-old threw her a $30,000 birthday party with 100 guests, each child dressed like their favorite member of a royal family.

And if you can believe it, not one etiquette book gives guidance and my friend, Claire, whom I usually consult, was climbing a peak in Patagonia and unreachable by cell. So on the way back from Las Ventanas, I was forced to start my own list:

1 Year Old - Lobster, life-size cake, guest appearance by Cirque du Soleil traveling troupe, for no more than 40 child friends (plus equal number of children of parents' business associates) in the Hamptons

5 Years Old - Custom-designed clothing line, launched at Fashion Week; factory tour with "Happy Birthday" sung by factory team associates

10 Years Old - A hard age. Polo team and own pony, with private lessons by team members. Or art lessons by downtown's next big thing, and stock portfolio, followed by all-night slumber party at museum

Sweet 16 - Party with known singing or rap star and private helicopter (no more lift lines) with pilot on retainer

Big 18 - Open-ended trip to Paris or Ibiza with jet-load of closest personal friends

21 Years Old - Private island or, if only islands with rocky coasts are available, refurbished castle in country of choice

I don't know - is it enough?

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